The Seventh Curse
Mr. Wei: Chow Yun-Fat
Yuan Chen-hseih: Chin Siu-Ho
Tsai-hung: Maggie Cheung
Wei Su: Sibelle Hu
Aquala the Sorcerer: Tsui Kam-Kong
director: Nam Nai Choi
IMDb link: http://us.imdb.com/Title?0092273
other links:
Version reviewed: VCD
Ratings:
nbsp;nbsp;nbsp;
VCD Audio: 5 of 10
nbsp;nbsp;nbsp;
VCD Video: 4 of 10
nbsp;nbsp;nbsp;
Subtitles: 0 of 10
nbsp;nbsp;nbsp;
Story: 2 of 10
nbsp;nbsp;nbsp;
Performances: 2 of 10
nbsp;nbsp;nbsp;
CYF: 2 of 10
This is a film which redefines the word "cheez". Suffice it
to say that this is a movie that only those with very bizarre
senses of humor will find worth spending the time to watch.
Written in part by Wong Jing, never known for his subtlety, and
directed by Nam Nai Choi, the man who brought us "The Story of
Ricky", this movie is what it must be like to be on a bad acid trip
while immersed in a vat of angry bees. And about as enjoyable. I'm
suprised that the cast did not wear paper bags over their heads
during filming - and what a cast! Chow Yun-Fat, Maggie Cheung, Sibelle
Hu and Tsui Kam-Kong, for starters. (It is just a rumor that Wong Jing,
who does appear in this film, played the blood demon.)
The only reasonable explanations for such a jewel of a cast set in
this Crackerjack ring of a movie is they were drugged, kidnapped and forced
to perform at gunpoint or they really needed the money in order to
consent to appear in this horrible, terrible, awful and just plain
DUMB film. But it does have some interesting subtitles, such as the
classic "& these are toes chopped down by spacemen" as quoted in
the book Sex And Zen And A Bullet In The Head by Stefan
Hammond and Mike Williams.
Now that that is out of the way, here's the plot: Dr. Yuan has
this problem, basically little "blood curse" tumors which have
a tendency to go "pop" (and I don't mean anything other than a
lukewarm "pop" at that, like a sad old toaster struggling with an
oversized English Muffin) and spit out a lot of blood. He picked up
this medical malady while poking around in the quaint customs of some
Southeast Asian tribespeople while in the cause of Science. Seeking
some advice on this bothersome trait, he visits Mr. Wei (Chow Yun-Fat)
who calmly tells him that when the Seventh Curse goes pop, all of his
blood will "spill out" and he'll die - and oh, would you like a cognac?
Anyway, Mr. Wei, an expert on witchcraft who is obviously a genius
because he wears angora sweaters and smokes a pipe, tells the unfortunate Yuan
that he must go to Thailand because, as Mrs. Wei points out as she
tends to Yuan's latest blood spurt before it ruins her carpeting,
"only the doer can undo" the curse.
Wanting to go along for the ride is Tsai-hung (Maggie Cheung), a bratty cousin
of Mr. Wei and apparently a newspaper reporter in her spare time when
she's not trying to get Yuan to pose for nude photos. Anyhow, Yuan and
Wei are against the idea so of course she goes anyway. As does Mr. and
Mrs. Wei - Thailand is supposed to be very pretty that time of year, I
guess, as long as you avoid things like Demon Babies From Hell, animated
skeletons who dress in crushed velour ceremonial robes while they suck out the spinal cords of
their victims, guys who seem to worship at the temple of KISS (Thailand
Chapter), and assorted other tropical oddness.
So after Mr. Wei orders local villagers to find a pregnant cow and a
black dog and do lethal things to them ("I don't know if it will work",
Wei says as he smiles around his pipe stem at a nervous-looking Yuan),
Yuan goes down into a styrofoam cave and meets up with an assortment of
rubber monsters which look like Taiwanese bootleg copies of Alien
toys. Just as Yuan is about to buy the big Communist Collective Work
Farm in the Sky, Mr. Wei comes in with his personal rocket launcher (it's
so important for tourists to be self-sufficient these days) and
saves the day. But not before a beautiful girl is disfigured for life;
of course Mr. Wei comforts her with "it's the beauty inside the person
that counts" as said former beauty holds a rag over her face and looks
a little dubious.
This movie has the depth and breadth of a censored Dragonball episode
translated into Esperanto. Luckily for Chow Yun-Fat, he only suffers
through about eight minutes of screen time (including the final credits
where he and Yuan gulp down another freebie Remy Cognac). Poor Maggie
Cheung has to endure considerably more ignominious exposure, including
a scene where she goes bezerk and wields a machete which is about as
big as she is. I take it she was looking for her agent at the time.
I used to think that Head Hunter stank like a fish kill on a hot
summer day, but then I saw The Seventh Curse and now I really
know just how bad a movie can be.
If anybody gives you a copy of this film for a gift, smack 'em. Twice.
go to the image gallery for this film
nbsp;
go to film review index
nbsp;
return to top page
email the page maintainer